The best thing about having kids is the delightful way they mangle words. Forget cuddles, kisses and tickles.  Adorable toddler speak is the winner for me.*

Word mangling melts my heart and tickles my funny bone. Alice (now seven) called butterflies butt flies.

Word mangling heaven

In 2013 we went to Ha-wa-wee—otherwise known as Hawaii. At the time my two year old Jessica used it so much, it quickly spread to the rest of the family on the trip—aunties, uncles, cousins, and of course granddad (who paid for the whole trip, thanks Grandy).

We still call it Ha-wa-wee to this day.

Most embarrassing for me was when Lucy (age three) shouted at the movies: “I want COCKPORN”! No, we don’t share adult content with our toddler. Popcorn.

Oh-so-adorably, Lucy called elephants ‘elecorns’. It was sad day when she pronounced elephants properly. Luckily, she calls the iPad ‘hi-bab’ so I can still enjoy that—for now. One day will be the last day she says it… and I’m not crying… someone’s cutting  onions nearby… they’re making a lasagna….

My children not being enough of a source for delightful word mangling, I soon looked beyond my family for more rib-tickling examples.

I was like an addict looking for her next hit.

I asked parents in my local business group and got a few more for my collection:

Carolyn: angus pangus for agapanthus

Janna: cuggle instead of cuddle (my Lucy says huggle)

Lynda: par cark for car park

Jodie: boppom for bottom and b’kwala for koala

Bhavika: sun-scream for sunscreen

 

Armed with this success I posted in Like Minded Bitches Drinking Wine and Freelance Jungle via Facebook.

word mangling

And oh, crikey did it go off!

If I was an addict, I would have suffered a serious overdose. But luckily this is the kind of addiction that it’s impossible to overdo. Like gratitude or early episodes of The Simpson’s, there is no such thing as too much.

I had hundreds of comments. More than 300, actually.  Thank you very much to everyone who responded. I’ve included most of them here for your reading pleasure. The ones in bold are my personal favourites.

Special mention to my sister’s girlfriends sister (got that?) for this one: Mastania for Tasmania. Jenni, I’m sure Michael (now aged 18) will not be reading this blog to find out you ratted on him…

Erika: hosterbuilder for hospital

Katie: seagirls for seagulls, lemonator for laminator, punk-nin for pumpkin, triplins for triplets

Shannyn: sea-gails for seagulls

Tamara: Charnee for Charlie, markets for Marcus, cockalock for chocolate, bumblebum for bubblegum

Elizabeth: cheesegaggler and wizzy for cheeseburger and fizzy drink

Agnes: hallowind for Halloween, cousind for cousin, samali for salami, fisk it for fix it

Alexis: sunbrella for umbrella, soupcase for suitcase

Julie: macaronia for macaroni, follyhop for lollypop

Natalie: garbacue sauce for barbecue sauce, ninished for finished, dajamas for pajamas, sawded (as in I sawded a movie), dananas for bananas, apoosh for apples, wan for won, pine nipple for pineapple, ninna for vanilla, begetables for vegetables

Amanda: solit for vomit (the cat vomits often), mounge for lounge, seenix for Phoenix (a cousin)

Ruth: sexy old molars for six year old molars

Soonah: outside-inside for inside out

Katrina: hell-toe for hotel, terrible giraffe for terrible draught, liar for lawyer

Nia: epileptic for eclectic

Deborah: hanaburg for hamburger

Claire: sanibibs for sandwich

Ariane: quiche in the rain for quiche Lorraine

Liz: bugger for butter “big bugger on toast mummy”

Tamie: pomato for tomato

Rachel: meme for mandarine

Kate: crowns for crayons

Elaine: humandidifer for dehumidifier, pies for eyes

Skye: crap for crack, spacebugs for tastebuds, really-ised for realised

Melissa:  rijokulous for ridiculous, tooken for taken, hunormous for enormous, twoing for doing twos

Trish: gyno-roars for dinosaurs

Kim: hopper-grasser for grasshopper

Erin: masterbaker for MasterChef

Michelle: happytopter for helicopter

Franka: helicottana for helicopter

Sue-Ellen: fermember for remember

Alex: piece of pasta for police officer

Sabrina: vagina for feijoa

Vicky: garbage sock for garbage truck, knot for snot

Karla: lets anga for lasagna

Elka: salami for tsunami

Anna: kolala for koala

Danielle: samali for salami, for purpose for on purpose

Emily: crackabacka for chiropractor, and oh cheeses for oh Jesus

Maureen: kenfucky fried chicken for Kentucky Fried Chicken

Helen: cock for clock (he would point to people’s watch and say ‘cock’)

Michelle: eye flashes for eyelashes

Joe: earbrows for eyebrows

Becky: making Lego, my son made the ‘Empire Steak Building’

Sharon: impotent for impatient

Susie: hopcorn for popcorn,

Joe: amorrow for tomorrow and amember for remember

Shai: shut the door for dinosaur

Mekila: muddy cuddles for muddy puddles

Stephanie: hucklers for glasses

Prue: virgin for version

Julie: cabsi for taxi, embelope for envelope, twigs and beetles for pins and needles

Cheree: hangcoat instead of coat hanger

Kelly: cock for clock  (my son shouted “big cock mummy” outside the jewelers”)

Nat: titty for teddy and the bar for bottle

Natasha: celihoptor for helicopter, push on for cushion

Philippa: Kevin for heaven

Sarah: car key for carry

Sandra: smarshmallow for marshmallow, camote for remote

Jade: lion for line

Kelly: sions for signs

Kristy: hairpoo for shampoo

Maria: ambliance for ambulance wapper snapper for whipper snapper

Rachael: fack my naked bum for smack my naked bum (at a dinner party)

Carla: minja turtles for ninja turtles

Deborah: elaphant for elephant

Erin: stister for sister, pace fainted for face painted, bagina for vagina, hop sital for hospital, tummy for dummy

Kylie: contest for concert

Candace: telling bone for telephone, measurator for tape measure

Catherine: cockporn for popcorn (thankful it’s not just my kid)

Lauren: Tom arse for Thomas and Friends

Jane: spilami for salami

Alycia: fark head for shark head (dad’s tattoo)

Sally: porncakes for pancakes

Katie: daco-daco for crocodiles, and hey dot das for helicopters, eey ub doo for I love you

Karen: prawn ducklings for prawn dumplings

Nerine: tebby dare for teddy bear

Narelle: new tube for YouTube, turtoise for turtle/tortoise, remocon control for remote control

Renita: bopplebums for pappadums

Renee: YMCAche for YMCA

Silvia: hostipal for hospital

Shannyn: soft beer for soft drink

Nikkie: all the cigarettes for Beyonce’s ‘all the single ladies’

Kimberley: hopper lakers for helicopters and Arse son for Alison (an aunty)

Danielle: pacifically for specifically

Nicole: atchell for Mitchell (an uncle), bigeraffes for giraffes

Kellie: bagina for vagina, banilla for vanilla, hopspidel for hospital, grow mups for grown ups

Jamsin: bubbafly for butterfly

Toni: for-da-get for forget

Shannon: soy sauth for soy sauce, mooyarn for mulan, assholl for Auntie Shell

Narelle: Idy for Ivy (now the family still calls her Idy)

Melanie: pollypop for lollypop, dee vee deebies for DVD

Rebecca: f*ckstrated for frustrated

Ami-Leigh: husband for Husdon (her friend)

Jasmine: blanklet for blanket, preautiful for pretty/beautiful and toyyet for toilet

Raylene: gooklyn for Brooklyn

Denise: harshgropper for grasshopper

Molly: huggle for hug/cuddle, munkin for pumpkin

Gabby: urinal for funeral

Natalie: maked for naked and blutterfly for butterfly

Elouise: miggy in the piddle for piggy in the middle

Penny: wipe screamers for windscreen wipers, revender for verandah

Teya: alligator for elevator, sloft for soft, eeso for also

Flip: peter butter for peanut butter

Penny: ma balls for marbles

Catherine: bideo for video, foomprints for footprints

Casey: nanks for thanks, flumb for thumb

Mel: knock-li-poses for binoculars, doca doca di for crocodile

Lara: elafant for elephant, banana for moana

Melanie: helicoperter for helicopter

Jill: perfdeck for perfect

Beckii: banocoli for monopoly

Kirsty: caminali for calamari

Lisa: cockcorn for popcorn, foss waysher for face washer, bone for phone, paw tatroll for Paw Patrol.

Louisa: bobba da builder for Bob The Builder

Sarah: actual mystery museum for natural history museum

Zina: biksit for biscuit, stoocar for scooter, hosindome for hospital

Sally: tonnamus for hippopotamus

Jo: backa inni for back to the beginning

Maz: moustachios for pistachios

Dawn: muskit for music, boggles for goggles, bisgetti for spaghetti, pipnic for picnic, narbles for marbles, hair conditioning for air conditioning, mawnmonger for lawn mower

Dilek: pos for because, high pad for iPad, happle for apple

Kellee: fack the fackers for crack the crackers (at Christmas time), honda donalds for McDonald’s, scoo hee me for excuse me

Rebecca: violent crumple for violet crumble, I circle yee not for I’m certainly not

Charmaine: kung fu for confused

Michelle: gobbles for goggles, cushow for pillow/cushion, I don’t matter (mix up of I don’t mind and it doesn’t matter)

Carina: hardun for pardon, donals for McDonald’s, deserations for decorations, hands two for hands full, paper toilet for toilet paper

Sherry: wo like for what would you like

Maria: hab for have

Lara: wes for yes, boofeeyall for beautiful,

Andrea: hip cups for hiccups, torch for church, lutis for lucas (his own name) boodren for bedroom

Theonie: cunummer for cucumber, ayeecupper for helicopter, wanker for white car, breen for green

Nicole: busy water for fizzy water, air pad for iPad

Ana: bolosagne for lasagna/Bolognese, lawn mama for lawn mower

Kim: lick bum for lip balm, headache in my stomach for tummy ache

Sara: book it up for look it up, wanky doodle for yankee doodle

Tracey: chocklick for chocolate, amma mammals for animals, bull bull dozer for bulldozer

Mel: fasketball for basketball

Athena: muddy cuddle for muddy puddle

Monika: cater pillow for caterpillar, ploblem for problem

Tam: sick babe for sick bay

Nikayla: ready al for already

Natalie: didded for did, nogurt for yoghurt, womit for vomit

Katie: caterpillar for pitter patter

Sandra: itchy instead of scratchy (lotto ticket)

Lou: commentary for cemetery

Germien: emmelote for envelope, skoo me for excuse me

Terry-Ann: rasshole for rascal

Rigel: pirate see for privacy, tinder for kinder

Sasha: beards for beers, soil milk for soy milk, lose for use

Krystina: foot knuckle for ankle, thumb toe for big toe, seborate for celebrate, busy for dizzy

Lisa: crockapile for crocodile

Tara: avamacado for avocado

Soonah: rollerhoop for hula hoop

Erin: mr whiffy for mr whippy, pee wee fruit for kiwi fruit, monkey flurry for McFlurry

Lauren: chip choc cookies for choc chip cookies

Katie: masshole for Marshall (his brother) hahee for honey

Ainsley: otopis for octopus, baff for bath

Neroli: marember for remember, mo toe toes for tomatoes, roletta for Loretta, cay dare for day care, gran grad for grand dad

Melissa: vargeena for vagina

Caroline: carking spot for parking spot

Cathy: Elton John for Uncle John

Karen: fonk your horn for honk your horn

Claire: werewolves for woolworths

Amanda: fookit for traffic

Anzel: up size down for up side down

Louise: google tube for Google/YouTube

Laura: letitoots for elephants, arm brows for elbows

Jenny: cigarette for serviette

Sophie: Peson for Heston (Blumenthal)

Rachel: natella for patella

Sarah: vola papino for volcano, hipamo for hippopotamus, haute canger for coat hanger

Oli: froggy for foggy (“it’s froggy outside”)

Gaya: merover for remover, tersificate for certificate, blinder for blender

Bronny: sputtink for something (“I wanna tell you sputtink”)

Sarah: puppa for paper, berriberry for strawberry, bubba for butter, boon car for blue car, beoon for spoon

Nicole: statues for tattoos, kung poo panda for kung fu panda, messymite for vegemite

Gosia: strawbilly for strawberry, jammamite for vegemite, dickin mouth for mickey mouse

Susie: lappy for nappy, focket for pocket

Star: grass for lorne (the town in Victoria, he got it confused with lawn)

Erica: arts and craps for arts and crafts

Arwen: yarbil festibal for yarraville festival, flood for blood

Leigh: dagon fry for dragon fly

Clancy: cuggle instead of cuddle

Peta: andy pants for ambulance

Kellie: cocklet for chocolate, bop it for stop it

Laksmi: Dave in Africa for David Attenborough

Robyn: pail nolish for nail polish

Erin: pigeon spinner for fidget spinner

Megan: shubbuh for shut up, pick me down for put me down

Graziela: pikea for Ikea

Em: bitchy for bit chilly

Lauren: the pickle in me for Despicable Me

Melissa: breskit for breakfast, rock in a hole for rock ‘n roll, bitar for guitar, begot for forget

Selina: penguin for pregnant (“will you be a penguin again Aunty?”)

Aleksandra: electricity for university

Ange: mateeto for tomato, lolly posh for nail polish, cockle for chocolate

Angela: underbrella for umbrella

Cristina: shawbeebee for strawberries

Sharon: kersplode for explode

Zoe: wawa for flower

Emma-Leigh: sore ass for sultantas, Tim’s sparry grass for tinned asparagus

Jenny: backback for backpack, alvacado for avocado, all the singlets for ‘all the single ladies’

Victoria: exposed for supposed, vericle for vehicle

Alice: glitterbug for litterbug, silly sauce for soy sauce

Brook: pacifically for specifically

Ruth: penis butter for peanut butter, glitter for litter, shuppup for shut up, capacacity for capacity

Monica: ‘sanitarium world’ for ‘material girl’ (by Madonna)

Jennifer: acooly for actually

Erica: fowlah for flower

Tina: munkle for angkle

Kristena: mistinguish for extinguish, baffa-lie for butterfly, bopple for bottle, bekky for brekky

Samantha: bomato for tomato

Jemma: comfa-fall for comfortable, manoculars for binoculars

Sandy: wipins for weapons

Dani: eye barrows for eyebrows

Elizabeth: snot for it’s not, mozzi squito for mosquito

Cathy: pinking for getting nails polished “Can we do the pinking?”

Marie-Pier: jymama for pyjama

Candice: flutterby for butterfly and hang coater for coat hanger

Nicole: dubba dubs for strawberries

Kim: air thing for trampoline

Johanna: woofs for dogs (“look mummy, a woof!”), from the last day for yesterday

Sharon: in the morrow for tomorrow

Kim: ear muffins for ear muffs, hand muffins for mittens, sorry sauce for soy sauce

Lauren: one – two – three – Gordon – five, Gordon is engine number four in Thomas the Tank Engine, some mint trucks for cement trucks

Sabrine: memberies for memories, ambliance for ambulance

 

Note: I edited out the many iterations of similar word mangles like flowers, spaghetti, avocado, yellow and car park. (frowlers, pussketti, advocado, lellow and par cark). I also left out many variations of truck pronounced with an F.

*In fact, I believe it is the number one reason why parents have one last kid later in life. The older kids have grown, started pronouncing words properly, so parents have to create a whole other human just to get some more word mangling action.